sugarnspice4u's Blog

June 2011, after two months from an unofficially break up with my secret lover from a two years relationship, I have decided to drop the idea of 'I need a man to make me happy'. Come to think of it, that is the worst thing anyone can ever thing off. 

Today, I am stronger and have been involved in a more positive environment and people. I don't need no man to give me PMS!

I am naturalist, blog writer, entrepreneur independent mom. I like anything on air, on water and in the jungle.

I prefer to be in a group of open, like minded people with no barriers in language and background.

Advice for women on relationships with spouses and with each other: "Do not bring people in your life who weigh you down. And trust your instincts ... good relationships feel good. They feel right. They don't hurt. They're not painful. That's not just with somebody you want to marry, but it's with the friends that you choose. It's with the people you surround yourselves with. And that's just as important as the school that you choose. Who's in your life, and do you respect them, and do they respect you? And are you respecting them. Right?

Ref: online 270511
http://news.yahoo.com/s/yblog_exclusive/20110526/pl_yblog_exclusive/michelle-obama-on-her-cute-husband-hillary-clinton-and-how-she-raises-her-daughters.

On what she and Obama tell their daughters to help them achieve their goals: "Read, write, read, read. If the president were here--one of his greatest strengths is reading. That's one of the reasons why he's a good communicator, why he's such a good writer. He's a voracious reader. So we're trying to get our girls, no matter what, to just be--to love reading and to challenge themselves with what they read, and not just read the gossip books but to push themselves beyond and do things that maybe they wouldn't do.

"So I would encourage you all to read, read, read. Just keep reading. And writing is another skill. It's practice. It's practice. The more you write, the better you get. Drafts--our kids are learning the first draft means nothing. You're going to do seven, 10 drafts. That's writing, it's not failure, it's not the teacher not liking you because it's all marked up in red. When you get to be a good writer, you mark your own stuff in red, and you rewrite, and you rewrite, and you rewrite. That's what writing is."

Ref: online 270511
http://news.yahoo.com/s/yblog_exclusive/20110526/pl_yblog_exclusive/michelle-obama-on-her-cute-husband-hillary-clinton-and-how-she-raises-her-daughters

What Michelle thinks about her husband: ... I knew he was a special person. And it had nothing to do with his education. It had nothing to do with his potential. And I say this to young women: Don't check off—there are a lot of women who have the boxes. Did he go to the right school? What is his income?"

It was none of that. It was how he felt about his mother; the love that he felt for his mother; his relationship to women; his work ethic ... he wasn't impressed with himself.  And he was funny. And we joked a lot. And he loved his little sister ... he was a community organizer. I really respected that.

"It was those kind of values that made me think you don't meet people like that often. And when you couple that with talent, and he's cute—you know, I always thought he would be useful. But I had no idea he would be president. I didn't think he was going to be president until the night we were standing on the stage and he actually won. I was like, 'gosh, look, you won.' "

Ref: online 270511
http://news.yahoo.com/s/yblog_exclusive/20110526/pl_yblog_exclusive/michelle-obama-on-her-cute-husband-hillary-clinton-and-how-she-raises-her-daughters

About myself:

I am independent and easy going. I love to meet new people with great humor, non judgmental and see things positively.

ADD: Have you seen the movie by Julia Roberts "Eat Love and Pray"? I can relate her character in the movie, divorced, troubled in her current relationship, traveling meet new people, in search for her soul and discovering herself spiritually, eat to her heart content and meditate or pray for inner peace and beauty. After finding herself, she met her beau in Bali, Indonesia. That is lovely but only in movies or can it be real?

Seeking:

Someone who knows what he wants and not afraid to express himself and able to hold conversation with great passion. Able to make others laugh with him, pleasant personality, accommodating, honest and available.

ADD: I am looking for a REAL MAN with substance - someone who knows what he wants without imposing his needs upon others, respectful and non committal phobia, or who does not take advantage of a situation only to feed his own ego. If you have got what it takes to know a person and honestly are prepared for new venture together and do not see differences of cultural, laws or restrictions, religion or even language as barriers then let me know.

I have always know people come in to your life has purpose and reason
The fact that we all have our special ways of attracting certain kind of people
Some say the chemstry or aura - it can attract good people or even bad people
It all depends on how you feel inside and project yourself and how others received that message

For me I have attracted many wrong people esp in relationships
I realized how others see me as insecure and fragile was exact response I get from them
The relationship failed to last longer than 3 months or less
The only one ended in a marriage lasted eight years, was not a happy union simply I did not give my all
I had so much reservation due to incompatible and uncompromising enclosed partner

I see how openness honesty trust and respect play so  important in building and sustaining a relationship
Love comes in many forms and ways
I always thought giving gifts, kind sweet words and touching are my language of love
I can never get them not with those who see me temporarily
I guess when I seek validation I hurt myself because no one can or will give it to me as how I want
And so I have come to realize how sharing understanding and learning differences from others make me a better person less stressed and happier inside

All I owed to my friend Andry who walks into my life he is like my angel to save me from beating myself up from the guilt I thought I had upon my failed relationship in the past. He let me deep into my past forgive and forget to bring out the best in me and forward that feeling and moment to my future

How this is happening in such brief moment but we befriend over a year now, I met him I have truly found myself - the woman I never know - with so much energy hopes and desires buried undiscovered and beautiful.

The fact that our path crosses now and may not be on the same journey together but (who knows) I know we have strong connection mind body and soul.. Someone told me, I may have met Andry in my previous life and so he too.. he could be paying his dues from his previous life, and now paying his dues to me in this life. I was told that is why he is very caring and loving to me my daughter and family. Who knows but God, we may meet again in the future and time will tell.

Cherish and embracing each moments with the people and place I chose to be, never look back but forward with kind sweet and positive thoughts and attitude opens me for more love and life for future. I have no more regrets worries or doubts for what ever in the past are my best medicine healed me well and I am so at peace with myself not a single drop of sorrow.

I pray if we are meant to be so be it, if not than better one will come.

He is truly my angel my sweet loving Andry. I will always love you and have you in my heart wherever I go.

We came on skype on the eve of Christmas
It was one good moment and longest we had since July this year.
Our chat was merely friendly with lots of humor teasing and happy note
I came to realized the longer I know him, the more I understand myself
The communication was open honest and cordial made me realized how I have missed that

To able to talk to someone non violently non judgmental and all but with respect, pleasant and caring.
Somehow I noticed how he still remembered the past, moments we together intimately before we switched back from lovers to friends. We made to agree to keep lasting meaningful friendship no matter what. I felt this is better than married to someone wrong and stay alone in the relationship. Having good friend is hard to come by and having a man in life is a bonus.

What ever happens in future, I know God will never disappoint me, I am who I am

I love and embrace myself more after I met him, he made me accepting myself and be more at peace with my past, current and future.

Thank you Andry, I love you from bottom of my heart. You will never know this, but I know He knows that is all that counts.

The mirror..

We never get what we want,

We never want what we get,

We never have what we like,

We never like what we have,

And still we live and love

That's life....



The best kind of friends,

Is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with,

Never say a word,

And then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

It's true that we don't know

What we've got until it's gone,

But it's also true that we don't know

What we've been missing until it arrives..
 

Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back!

Don't expect love in return;

Just wait for it to grow in their heart,

But if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours.
 

It takes only a minute to develop a crush on someone,

An hour to like someone,

And a day to love someone,

But it takes a lifetime to forget someone..
 

Don't go for looks; they can deceive.

Don't go for wealth; even that fades away.

Go for someone who makes you smile,

Because it takes only a smile to

Make a dark day seems bright.

Find the one that makes your heart smile!
 

May you have

Enough happiness to make you sweet,

Enough trials to make you strong,

Enough sorrow to keep you human,

And enough hope to make you happy.
 

Always put yourself in others' shoes.

If you feel that it hurts you,

It probably hurts the other person, too.

The happiest of people

Don't necessarily have the best of everything;

They just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
 

Happiness lies for

Those who cry,

Those who hurt,

Those who have searched,

And those who have tried,

For only they can appreciate the importance of people

Who have touched their lives.

 

When you were born, you were crying

And everyone around you was smiling.

Live your life so that when you die,

You're the one who is smiling

And everyone around you is crying.
 

 

I do not claim to be the rightful writer for this wonderful words.

It was sent to me by a friend.

If you like this, do share ....
 

To those people who mean something to you,

To those who have touched your life in one way or another,

To those who make you smile when you really need it,

To those that make you see the brighter side of things

When you are really down,

To those who you want to know

That you appreciate their friendship.or 201

I prefer not getting involved with someone who criticizes, compares, and controls.

I just want to be accepted, appreciated, and admired for who I am —without the need for pretense or phoniness.

Is that too much to ask for?

Here are few selected videos and literature I found really good for beginners.
Hope you enjoy doing Qi Gong.

Qi Gong Definition
http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/Qigong

Qi Gong Exercise for Health
http://www.acupuncture-and-chinese-medicine.com/qi-gong-exercises-for-health.html

Qi Gong Warming up
http://www.ehow.com/video_2368606_qigong-warm-ups.html

Breathing of the Universe
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nXwIRRTv7z4


The author is not claiming to own any of the above materials.

I like to celebrate it with my daughter and my soul mate.

It will be a special day to mark my freedom, my new self discovery, our (my daughter and I) new life and my new found friendship and soul mate, someone who gives his untiring time, effort, love and energy to us.

It may not be on the exact day of the month but it is ok since I want it to be convenient to all

It may not be in favor to my present career path or set of obligations

To spend time of our life just three of us, some place far from any familiarity and restriction

All within our means and not imposing any burden to any of us

To keep it enjoyable, joyful and loving

13 July 2010

It seems that my journey in search for the right man is still far to go.

I guess every men I met in the past and present has some kind of a pattern and I have identified most of them were based not only by their attributes and qualities but also from the way of my approaches and expectations from them. I was too forward/open and looking for someone to give me love, security and validation - but non of the above met the criteria. It took me very long time to realise what I was looking for until I met A.

Some may be surprised how I met A met and started to know before we discovered ourselves more intimate. Thats not the point here, what attract me was when we start talking about deep topics. He once asked me if I want to be his mirror. He described Mirror as below:

"the image of great mirrors for me are those who are willing to help and support each other in order to move from the first mind-set (not having inner sense of safety and would like to select, control the reality in order to feed  their own needs they are not able to fullfill) to the second mind-set (open, share and learn from the difference)"

Unfortunately in the beginning, this message was not intrepretated well on my side. I guess he has mentioned about how he wants the relationship to be in the first place(open, share and learn from the difference), but not very direct and so I was a bit mislead... At first I was looking for the first mind set - security love and validation and after knowing there is also another way of approaching new level of relationship (second level mind set) by learning and sharing love to grow emotionally and spiritually. So the key word here is to share love not to seek for love ... love will come naturally.

I cant blame him or myself this is part of our discovery and process in life. Immediately, I realized that I need to adjust my old idea and so I have also fine tune many of my expectations along the way. But cant deny my real feelings as a woman for a man (yet somehow I have to guard it tight before I break) and so many prayers and thoughts makes me more aware and not get it into my heart too much.Yet with all of these I always have my cautions guide me through till I found the real gem from the grains.

But after meeting A there has been a lot of exchanging thoughts and ideas on varies interesting topics some are serious others are not which also correlate to how we communicate between man and woman. It wonders me how we can talk in length and deeply. I have also see that maturity and wisdom counts in handling such discussion. It also amazed me to know someone who likes talking - not many men are very good in that area.. A really stimulates me intellectually, emotionally and of course physically. He has opened my cage and I have found ME! However deep in my heart and this is what I told him, everything in life is temporarily Nothing Last Forever..everything will change so is our relationship so no matter what we must not be hurt when someday the people we love and care is gone... somehow we both know no one is responsbile for our Happiness but happiness comes from ourselves.. and that we cannot hope others to propose and bring happiness to us.

After 8 months knowing him and only closer last 4 months back, the moment of truth arises.
We met online and I have closed my accounts but I found out later he still has his active and shows that he is still searching. The part that hurts me a little how in some of our debate or discussions he uses those elements or keywords to describe in his latest profile on the same dating online where we first met - the kind of person he is looking for - now why would he be looking for other woman or man for that if he can do it with me? That was a wakeup call for meand if I have am still on my first level mind set - the insecurity and seeking for love and validation mode towards him, I will be crushed.. and since I had my mind set moved to second level - learn and share love (no matter what he does or did it shouldnot hurt me). This only confirms how much I can expect from him and that he is not the right man for me, and that the best is yet to come.To know that love is unconditional and not conditional takes a lot of courage and patience to get the one and only.

However, in so many waysI am happy to know him - putting aside his 'mission', my unmet needs, and our secret escapade - I must see him as a person unconditionally with some qualities I can learn and share with, all in order to make me a better person, and able to know how to deal with man better...if he has his own search of life and so am I and knowing he may not be the one for me. The fact that we never exchanged I love yous and there is clearly no need to commit and should be no intimacy, however can be if only mutual and open kind of relationship, I am more than happy to keep him as a friend. To be aware of own limitation and the others will not caused a barrier to this unless one of us backs out.

I know thatdeep inside him he has some respect and admiration for me, he said that he really appreciates me and envies me how I can think and do multiple cases parallel without mixing them all together and still can come out with amazing result. that is what he likes about me and wants to learn from..  The fact that he does something behind my back is unforgettable but I am able to forgive as we are in different realm in the first place … is this crazy or what??

to be continued

I really like the music, song but the lyrics it really sad but in happy and catchy tune..

Makes me feel like dancing

Also I could imagine how my bf dance to the tune


... you let me sail away alone

... i dont wanna go go go

.... i dont want to walk this earth if i  gotta do it SOLO

aaarrgghhhhh


GOD sad and happy tune - why do ppl make such confusing songs!!!

Everyone has their ups and downs

Everyone has their positive and negative outlook

Everyone has their strength and weakness

Everyone has their right to say in everything they believed on

Everyone must able to accept other's opinion even though their are in disagreement

So let them be - Forgive and Forget

if one cannot do that then best not be friends :(

So RR if you read this, I do not dislike you as a person

I however do not agree with negative remarks over others which is not a very nice thing to say and also with how things turned out to be - too intensed - it brings me flashback!!!

I am not running away from problem but I am trying to avoid mis-understanding...

I don't think resolving it going to work as we both have own deep principle in life which some we may not able to compromise with .. I understand how and what you stand for... I do hope you respect and understand my point of view ..

Again I apologize and here is wishing you have a nice life and good luck in your search!

Yours truly

A friend ...

 

I can see it in his eyes

I can see his body language

I can feel his humor and hospitality

I can hear words changed from 'I' to 'we'

I can see his well manners

I can see he kept his words

I can see common interests and dreams

I can see he drives my adrenaline high

I can see I am singing again

I can see he is trying to sing

I like ...

 

I see

I hear

I smell

I taste

I touch

I sense

Yes

I know

You are the one

Saturday 20th March 2010

2nd Putrajaya International Hot Air Balloon Fiesta 2010, Malaysia

4.00am wake up to get all ready for the day, drive to Purtajaya (Malaysia's capital city), arrived at 7.30am to purchase the hot Air Balloon ride ticket but to our surprised the ticket were sold out as early as 7.00am so we spend the rest of the day on water ball ride (was fun with Eyendee) and Rania my daighter with her friend Sen), archery, tricycle ride, and finally got us first in the line to purchase the evening ride which took off at 7.30 in the evening! 12 hours since we arrived and only we got ourself in the basket... was it worth it? I'd say YES, my daughter and I were the first in the family to be on hot air balloon!!!!

Good thing to share here is I was accompanied by a good friend of mine Eyendee, who is as adventurous, kind and funny like me taking turn to take my daughter around the carnival site as I stand in the line for the ticket. We spent that evening watching fire works from the balcone of his apartment and end the day with nice dinner in a chinese restaurant.

The next morning I had real body ache and thank god my daughter 7yo is a good body messager - all it took her was to roll over her body over mine aaaahhh that was a relieved!!!

What important is we had a good mommy and daughter time...couldn't stay 12 hours on my own thanks to Eyendee.

Someone said if you are looking for your partner see if they have anything common of interests with you also if they have some resemblance of you or any elements that looks like you are bonus and it shows longevity

Well at least I can say if you have been living with someone for a very long time you will both looked alike - example like Heidi Klum and Seal ok so they both contrast in color but they have same facial features in the eyes, smile, poise even outlook in life.

But what if you like someone and he definitely has no right elements alike yours or even close in common to you BUT you still have likeness for each other - my guess would be give it a try if both have chemistry if not move on

Is there anyone who is - Physically, Emotionally, Aspirationally, Culturally, Economically and Socially available for me?

I know I will never find someone who is totally perfect for me but at least I like to know someone who has the other heart of mine and I am happy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1nixzYHDus

 

 

New year - new leaf - new self - new songs - new love

New year - yes I am one year single again

New leaf - yes I have moved on meeting new people

New self - yes I am looking my best for years

New songs - yes I love Whitney new come back album 'I look to you'

New love - yes forever love and refreshing love from loving daughter, dotting parent and treasured friends